Realization!

As I was rereading some of my post, I finally figured out whats wrong. I have never taken responsibility for who I have become or what I have turned my body into! I have blamed it on everything else, my emotions, my past, my present! When the truth of the matter is I am in control. I am the one who decides what I am putting into my body! I am the one who decides to workout or not to work out! Yes, i do have some motivation issues but now that I understand and realize that everything is put onto me, it slightly motivates me alittle bit more! I will not hit my thanksgiving goal, but I can continue to hit my big goal: 100 lbs by my birthday, that is still reachable and that is what I am reaching for!! I'd like to lose 5 move pounds by thanksgiving, which is attainable, and then I would like to lose 10 more by christmas and 10 my by my anniversary! If I am able to reach these goals I will be smaller than I was when Cody and I got together this time around! And it will be all down hill from that point.
My focus for today is pay attention to what goes into my body and to learn how to control it.

Going to be honest!

So I am still struggling!! I know what my problem is though, i'm an emotional eater: I eat cuz i am happy, i eat cuz i am sad, i eat cuz I am mad, and I eat cuz i am bored!! I can't stop eating.. I don't know what I am doing this for. Maybe i need to just get my stomach banded or stappled!!

Thank you!

I have to say thank you to a friend that made me realize, I don't have to lose weight to gain God's grace or love! I am God's child and all I can do is live my life loving and praising Him constantly!! Does this mean I'm giving up on my fight, absolutely not! I want to live every day to the fullest and praise God here on earth as long as possible so that people may see His everlasting love!! In order to do this I have to take care of myself!!

To be quite honest with you I have not done good at all the past week with my eating! Although if I compare it to about 6 months ago it would be considered wonderful therefore i take it as a step!! And just like my title says, im stepping into a new me. I'm not going to be magically transformedinstead I have to take the steps and let Christ lead those steps!
I need to learn to lean on Him, not on food!!

Who am I?

I lost who I am and Ive lost all my drive. But Im praying that God will give me something inside to give me just a little bit of fight!! I have made great strides and i know this, but for some reason I can not seem to change my life. That is why i suppose i stopped blogging, but i realized that meant i wasn't blogging for the correct reasons, i was blogging only to share the good and make people "proud" of me, but now its time to start blogging for myself and pray that somewhere along the line my friends and family will join and my struggle. I said in the beginning i wanted people to follow along with me as I cried and well im crying!! I don't know who I have let myself turn into except for someone I am not happy with, soo all i can do is fight to find that person i want to be and that person I know that I truly am!! I am a child of Christ and one that will continue to fight so that I may share my story and show His grace forever!